love makes seman taste better
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
