I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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