Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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