I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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