you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
