Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
