i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
