i think my tv is drunk
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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