How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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