She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
