I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I didn't shave. On purpose
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
