How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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