Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
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He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
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That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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