Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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