Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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