You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
