I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
