I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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