$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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