i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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