Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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