We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
