The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
