I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
where are my eyebrows?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
