So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
