Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
