You're earring is so big in my mouth
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
