wat bout pragnant strippers??
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
