The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
