can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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