This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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