I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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