Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
