God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him