Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Tornado booty call.. dedication
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.