I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Fuck now we have to have sex
In a bet, need to win
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"