Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends