i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...