I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
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No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
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It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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