Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
