i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
