u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
