in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
