Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
