this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize