i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
