In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize