every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
