I like to think it a success when the cops are called
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
