apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
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I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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