Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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