it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
