I just pynch a tree in the face
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
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As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Do you have feelings for this penis?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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