will power is for people who don't want to get laid
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
