i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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