That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
