I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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