I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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