chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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