went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
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Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
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Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
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