my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
