hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
